Staying Stylish in Suburbia

33 Weeks and counting...

Thursday, June 13, 2013

A new experience 

Today I am officially as pregnant as I have ever been. After spending nearly two months in the hospital on bed-rest during my first pregnancy our baby girl was born through emergency c-section at week 33 weeks. Which means that from this point on I will be experiencing everything for the first time, including labor itself. I have mixed feelings about this. So many of the mothers I know wear the pain of their labor like a badge of honer, mourning the loss it when replaced by surgery (which comes with its own recovery pain.) I can't tell you how many times it was assumed that I felt regretful or possibly even cheated out of a normal birth scenario. Not that it was a viable option for me, given the circumstances, but the very idea that I should somehow have regrets about how the most miraculous gift of gifts came into my life has always struck me as odd. That's not to say that I didn't allow myself to grieve over the fact that my "birth plan" as I had intended it to be (starting at home with a Doula etc...) was impossible given my medical circumstances. But as the saying goes, "If you want to make God laugh tell him your plans." Shit happens in other words and as long as you have a good doctor who is truly out for your best interest, you've got to be able to adapt. My first experience with birth may have been a tense situation but even in the midst of the fear there was so much excitement and joyful anticipation. In the moments before we heard her first little cry, time stood still and my husband and I were able to fully focus on each other and engage in the miracle of what was unfolding. Was it perfect? No. Was it beautiful and holy nonetheless. YES!!!

Who knows what will happen this next time around. I'm both scared and excited all over again. We are opting for a regular or "natural" birth so it will be a new situation. I am confident in my doctors though and confident in myself to handle what so many others have before me. All I can hope for is that like my first experience the pain and anxiety won't outweigh the overwhelming joy of welcoming a new life into the world. Here's to going into the great unknown!


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