Staying Stylish in Suburbia

There Goes My Heart...

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Today was her first day back at preschool. This year I didn't full out cry but my throat got tight and my eyes were misty as I watched her walk away. Letting go, even in the smallest of ways, is such a bittersweet part of parenthood. She has grown and changed so much in the past year. Lately, when I tell her that I love her she will respond by saying, "I like you mama. I love you and I like you." She says this almost every time now.  I'm not sure where she picked it up but I share the feeling. Love is one thing. Love feels inevitable and binding, even if you wish it wasn't at times. But liking someone, that's something all together different. You get to choose who you like, which makes it that much more significant somehow. There are times when she drives me nuts, of course, but that girl is so damn likable.

Sometimes I can't believe my luck. I literally sit back in awe of the little delightful, stubborn, smart, independent, quirky, funny, creative, sparkly eyed creature that I have the privilege of raising. She is seriously a little bit magic, that one.

It's terrifying though. I see her sweet innocent spirit and I don't want the world to change her. I don't want her to hurt or stop believing that she beautiful or brilliant. I watch her walk away and for those three hours what happens to her is out of my control. And I know that this is just the beginning. Preschool is like the training wheels for letting her go more and more in the years to come. It's like that Elizabeth Stone quote, "Making the decision to have a child- it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

I know she has to have her own experiences. I want that for her. All I can do is be there for her whenever she needs me, always and forever. xo

Goodness knows what I'll do when the littlest starts school though...


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